It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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