Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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