remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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