I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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