My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
