I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
