Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
