my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
