i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
