So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
