that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
