Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
