I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
