I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
