It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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