i was born a porn star she said
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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