thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
