Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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