I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
