I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
