There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
