The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
