what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
