you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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