fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
