College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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