I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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