he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
someone owes me an orgasm
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
