woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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