My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
