apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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