Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
