Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
