Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
