i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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