trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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