I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
