you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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