We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
