Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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