Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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