Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
