Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
