Just cropdusted the office
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
