I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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