GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
no you cant smoke seaweed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
