capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
