I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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