Dual....:-)
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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