Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
