is your mom at the bar?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
